I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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