My cat gives me a boner
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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