So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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