Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The power of my boobs compel you
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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