Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
