It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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