you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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