That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
