Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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