This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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