We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
someone owes me an orgasm
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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