Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
