but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
