she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize