Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
