Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
