have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When are your genitals available?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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