I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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