I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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