I just pynch a tree in the face
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
