the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
