Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
