Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
