I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
