I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
