Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize