He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
