What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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