you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
