Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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