smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
