I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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