Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
