And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
