no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
