I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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