so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
