just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
