that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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