How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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