hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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