What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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