i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
