He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
