Kiss
Puke
Ketchup is God's man juice
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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