Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
