OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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