i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You made out with two different species that night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
