Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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