Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize