i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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