My room smells like vodka and shame
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she woke up with a sticky ear
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
