if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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