I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
