I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
