Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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