plz talk dirty to me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
