i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
