I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
