first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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