it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
