I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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