I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize