weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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