There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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