piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
