So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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