It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
