you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
