this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
