I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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