my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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