I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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