I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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