Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
