Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just pee around me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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