# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
