found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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