i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
