Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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