So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
