He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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