It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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