He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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