I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
